Last night, the daughter went out to dinner and a movie with friends. We had a verbal understanding that after the movie, she'd return home. I had plans to meet up with some friends and was planning on heading that direction when she returned home. She texted me at the end of the movie and indicated that she was going to stay and grab some coffee with a friend and would be home soon.
About an hour and a half later, I texted her, just to ask if she planned on coming home anytime soon. I don't think my question was unreasonable. I know that since she's had her birthday this weekend, the state is more than willing to let her drive until 1:30 in the morning, but the state's curfew doesn't automatically indicate the Mommy's curfew.
So, here's the struggle. She's never actually had a curfew. We just talk about things when they come up and make a decision about an expected return time. Now, however, I feel a strong compelling feeling inside me to actually make a curfew.
Our relationship is amazingly awesome and we really don't disagree, but when I mentioned the idea of having a stated curfew with a remaining opening for discussion as events occur, she responded like such a teenager.
...and then I spun into a myriad of stupid thinking that spins and I wonder if I'm giving her a curfew for my benefit or just because parentally, I should. I wonder if putting an official time out there is found by her to be offensive because of all that she does for me with the boys and around the house. I wonder what difference it really makes if she gets an attitude about having a curfew. I am, after all, the mom. Right?
So, why is it that I feel gross about it? Ugh! I hate it when my brain isn't working right.
I admit that I haven't taken my meds pretty much at all for the last month and for that, I'm very sorry. I can't wait until the full effects of the medicine to take hold once again so that I can feel a little bit more control over the thoughts I have.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
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